I'm Arun's Enraged, Inflamed Sense of Rejection

here I am ... blogging ... coming to terms with what it does for me ... what it's about ... how ppl all over the globe ave traken up this ritual..to express their innermost selves.. bashfully nonchalantly candidly ..amorphously turning it into an artform ... blog are the literary classics of the 21st century.. reading blogs is a truly euphoric experience .. ppl share their inner most thoughts with such vigor..with much soul.. it's a form of writing where i find the heart finds it's way out into the wolrd.. blogs; ports or portals rather of emotion... where past memories ..present worries and future dreams meet... why do i blog? a fight clubsque elucidation would be .. when the chronicles 'Arun's Enraged, Inflamed Sense of Rejection' need release ... Alcohol and Narcotics supress that feeling for a while; but the whole blogging process kinda relaxes the inner self .. a kind of ...search for the 'why am i so fucked up?' ..'is is ok to be this fucked up'... i hate rambling about what i am going thru.. it's the bloody self loathing, self hate, self pity state of being that i want to run awa y from ... but then again ..will i ever be able to .. ageis catching up on me.. i feel worthless.. almost pitiful .. i have acquired nothing in this pathetic human existance.. i have lost all my treasured possessions .. and keep losing any of what i acquire... it's horrible .. to top it off the irrefutable arrogance... the the condescending demeanor..the anarchist spirit.. the intimidating attitude...oh ! they've just accumulated over the years ... no human relationship of susbstance has crossed my wretched existance.. fuck ... fuck...... fuck..... what is there to talk abt ...when u have no one to talk to ... am i losing it....i guess so..... is it just the day to day stress and strifes of my well being ... i'm not too sure..... i answer how r u with a blank i dont know these days... it's true...

back after another dose of reading blogs my old passion of reading has found a new avenue rather .......reading sotroes from other ppl's lives.. ppl with lives very much like mine.. nothing over the top.. nothing overtly pathetic...just the same kinda stagnating blatant shit....... where human relationships as we knew it has turned into a reminiscent of a jewish concentration camp... misquoting a blog i read .... my friends and folks and life as i knew it has seized to exist and this mutated being that lives today is just a faint shadow what used tobe and what could have been.....

oh well... all that self bashing has done more than enough damage to my already returbed ego... i'm done for now......