Tis the season to be jolly..

Now how long has it been since I last posted anything.... And what's happened in the time that has a preceded.... Well for starters I'm on the other side of the Globe... I had my exams... There's been the hardest hitting tsunami that's graced the planet in the last 40 years... So what have I've been doing??? I don't know ... For starters I'm in a happy place...I'm with ppl I grew up with/around.. kids who've been born around me ...I'ven't the slightest clue when all of us are going to be under the same roof again ... But here and now seems too precious to leave out.. The festive season does add to the whole ambience...

Maybe when I'm sitting back to look back it ... I'll describe what happened in more precise detail... As for now......

I love you guys.... Avi , Ajnu, Tina, Neetu, Acchu, Jamie, Joel, Akhil,Noel....

Merry Christmas ...You kids are the greatest...

In the Midnight Garden of Good & Evil...

I'm Arun's Enraged, Inflamed Sense of Rejection

here I am ... blogging ... coming to terms with what it does for me ... what it's about ... how ppl all over the globe ave traken up this ritual..to express their innermost selves.. bashfully nonchalantly candidly ..amorphously turning it into an artform ... blog are the literary classics of the 21st century.. reading blogs is a truly euphoric experience .. ppl share their inner most thoughts with such vigor..with much soul.. it's a form of writing where i find the heart finds it's way out into the wolrd.. blogs; ports or portals rather of emotion... where past memories ..present worries and future dreams meet... why do i blog? a fight clubsque elucidation would be .. when the chronicles 'Arun's Enraged, Inflamed Sense of Rejection' need release ... Alcohol and Narcotics supress that feeling for a while; but the whole blogging process kinda relaxes the inner self .. a kind of ...search for the 'why am i so fucked up?' ..'is is ok to be this fucked up'... i hate rambling about what i am going thru.. it's the bloody self loathing, self hate, self pity state of being that i want to run awa y from ... but then again ..will i ever be able to .. ageis catching up on me.. i feel worthless.. almost pitiful .. i have acquired nothing in this pathetic human existance.. i have lost all my treasured possessions .. and keep losing any of what i acquire... it's horrible .. to top it off the irrefutable arrogance... the the condescending demeanor..the anarchist spirit.. the intimidating attitude...oh ! they've just accumulated over the years ... no human relationship of susbstance has crossed my wretched existance.. fuck ... fuck...... fuck..... what is there to talk abt ...when u have no one to talk to ... am i losing it....i guess so..... is it just the day to day stress and strifes of my well being ... i'm not too sure..... i answer how r u with a blank i dont know these days... it's true...

back after another dose of reading blogs my old passion of reading has found a new avenue rather .......reading sotroes from other ppl's lives.. ppl with lives very much like mine.. nothing over the top.. nothing overtly pathetic...just the same kinda stagnating blatant shit....... where human relationships as we knew it has turned into a reminiscent of a jewish concentration camp... misquoting a blog i read .... my friends and folks and life as i knew it has seized to exist and this mutated being that lives today is just a faint shadow what used tobe and what could have been.....

oh well... all that self bashing has done more than enough damage to my already returbed ego... i'm done for now......

And Then There Were None...

There are several a times when the mind is overwhelmed to come up with solutions; finite solutions; probable plausible solutions; to bewildering predicaments. Problems find themselves leading to solutions without a certain element of hardship. But what governs the amount of stress and strain that we are to be subjected to. What is the measure of this threshold? And what good is having a threshold greater or lesser than the medicore...

When do we take a hold of ourselves...and "Snap Out Of It".. or do we wait for Cher to slap us! Are we all endowed within this life time to come across our own versions of Cher..

"Science says: before anything else, love yourself, for everything in the world is based on personal interest."
- Lujin of Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment

Cui bono

Sometimes the state of affairs in your life, kinda baffles those of us who try to make some sense out of it... And for those of us trying not to it remains to simple and plain .. I dont get it ... i simply dont get it... How difficult is it for ppl to acknowledge you for the right u do and the good that comes out of it .... yet how little u have to do to have em at ur throats as u fumble... Disgusting... absolutely... why do those u who whine never look around u ... to see what every one else is going thru.... why is the threshold of pain and suffering not the same across the entire race.... why do those of us who are persecuted have to be in such enormous quantities....

Bah! i'm done.....the ranting is getting me no where in particular... but a release of some of this negativity is of utmost need... to string together the strands of sanity that is left....

arbiter elegantiae

There's something about people, that kind of resonates through time. People recollect images of public figures or other people in general on the basis of a singular event. One event in time can change how the rest of humanity is going to percieve about from now to the end of time. And no matter how great or small your achievements after the incident you shall always be remembered for that first make or break. And you're stuck with it.

Monica Lewinsky can come up with the cure for AIDS and Cancer, but she'll always be remembered as the greatest knob gobbler of all time. David Hasselhoff may have sold millions of records in Germany and the rest of Europe... but for the rest of the world he's no more than the guy from Knight Rider (if u were a TV viewer from the 80s) or Baywatch (alright i'm ancient ... for u 90s viewers)...

But what if, those people/events in history were to have had slight fuck ups ...Or slight variations? What if fat man and/or little boy didn't detonate? [What a FUBAR that could've been]... What if Oswald missed? [Yeah! I know the fella in the grassy knowles would've made it...] What if Lennon/Morrison/Hendrix/Cobain.. didn't die their ill fated deaths? There are too many what-ifs to ponder over? I'll leave that to you oh beloved audience of mine..add'em as comments ....

But lemme leave u with this one particular thought.......if Clinton had a gay affair.. would the american political instituition have left him in power? Would the world have taken to it as it as just a case of promiscious behaviour? i'd like to hear your opinions......... punch in ur responses.....

Specto Vulgus

The weekend was rather eventful.. I was at the Rankine Power Plant in Niagra... A 100 year old damn built on the Niagra Falls... It was divine ... Especially the board roam..Wow... most office space dwelling Dilberts dream of a window.. this place had the Falls to look at .. Does it get any better than that? The place had history reeking out of every nook and cranny ... Your talking the very walls within which allegedly Tesla and Edison had a fist fight over whther AC or DC would be the way to go... We all know who won that one... Italian Marble for the Switch Panel boards... Brass Relays .... Turn of the century electricity generation... People who barely knew what they were dealing with were generating power and making a hefty profit selling it out to the infant giants of the Industrial Revolution... Amazingly spectacular to see one of the corner stones of power generation that the world has seen... The hydro-electric project that was truly from an eon ago ..with none of the sophistication that you see today..yet doing a Herculean task... Mind you they used an operating frequency of 25 Hz... and they do generate 0.3 MW of power even today to supply Washington Mills and Stelco who use it for their Arc Furnaces. Up until recently there was a turn of the century cinema hall in upstate NY that had the 25Hz operating frequency used on their arc projectors for their shows... No wonder yhose Chaplin movies seemed all fucked up...

Anyway 100 feet under the damn dam... there i was in the damp humid bottom of this massive shaft running right thru ... The magnanimous size of the place just leaves u awestruck... An engineering wonder... no words could do justice to the kind of blood and sweat that has gone into running a mammoth of this size..Cheers !!! to all those unsung heroes who made it happen... Any way i walk away with a nut that was one of the many hundreds that hold the rusty old shaft that runs like a massive cock that penetrates the core of the earth ........

After that escapade i set out on an escapde which i must say i truly enjoyed... I turned into an anthropologist on a quest to find what drives people to behave in a certain way in public....

There i was at the falls... with this cattle of ppl walking past me .. coming to a halt in front of that railing that must have been touched by millions of ppl ...(Think of finger print analysis of the site... the amount of microbes....)..Any way beofre i get off on that tangent.... Toursits from all over the place arrive at the site to do the very same thing... Take a picture of themself in front of this piece of geography... and the way it's done is exactly the same they fake a smile in that lens... and try immortalize themself.. Probably to satisfy the vanity within...

The visitors themselves could be categorized... there were the families.. the kids who were hungry and wanted to eat ... the kid who wanted that $49.99 slnky ball in the store and was howling its brains off... then there were the kids who wanted to pee...

Then there those who bring their moms and dads along ..u know when it's the guy's folks... the chick's body language just sez.. i hate that ol'hag... and u know it's the chick's folks..the guy's like when the fuck are we going to leave ... it's hilarious ... just sit there and look at these ppl ... it's the same genric display of feelings... The son who wants to so desperately have his son and mom to take a pic together... Why ..so that that kid can look back and see this image of grandma.. a person who this photograph is going to be the only surving relic of ever being a part of his life... And there's the over protective mom who doesnt let the kid peep over the railings .. coz she's freaking out ... each stereotype imaginable in society is there to be viewed in all their splendour... After the family crowd withered away i shifted my attnetion to the yuppie cpls... their hormone levels were too high to engage in any other activity but perhaps what a rabbit could keep up with... Trust me from the meagre holding hands to humping I saw it all ...

The sheer spectacle of people was much more entertaining and enthralling than any movie, song, dance, drug enhanced euphoria..... I had always felt the same about airports... which is going to my next ppl viewing place...

Trainspotting in the Synaptic Realm

I was waiting for that moment where from within comes that geyser of an energy to jot down a power blog ... yes, it's been 22 days since i could actually figure myslef in front of this machine to punch something down... How has it been in those 3 weeks... 4 hours of sleep..on a mon-fri basis.. with a scheduled drinking time ..makes it bearable... nothing to complain abt .. just some growing pains ..and at certain moments ...moments of vulnerability .... there upon arrives this cloak to blind you ..and stab you with the feelings of loneliness, despair and all the other carnal sins that can be conjured up ...

And in one such fit of despair ... i tried to look around at the kids and hear watz up with em... (ajnu, avi,t,etc...)...it's kinda weird i feel ancient... i've seen been or done what these kids are experiencing as of when we speak .. and there'sn't a thing i can proactively contribute to making a difference... it would have been great if geography didn't separate us in this way.. to quote Baz Luhrmann,"Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young." And the urge to do so just fills me up ...

I'm drifting off into a world of my own.... there are imaginary ppl there ... there are my versions of ppl there... it's all i have ... an enclosure in the synaptic realm....

Right now i'm waiting in that train station in that synaptic realm waiting for the next abstract thought to come my way... how long is my wait i dont know... where will my ride take me ...i havent a clue... will it be there... i sure do hope so...

i am "tHe fOOl"...

You are the Fool card. The Fool fearlessly begins
the journey into the unknown. To do this, he
does not regard the world he knows as firm and
fixed. He has a seemingly reckless disregard
for obstacles. In the Ryder-Waite deck, he is
seen stepping off a cliff with his gaze on the
sky, and a rainbow is there to catch him. In
order to explore and expand, one must disregard
convention and conformity. Those in the throes
of convention look at the unconventional,
non-conformist personality and think What a
fool. They lack the point of view to understand
The Fool's actions. But The Fool has roots in
tradition as one who is closest to the spirit
world. In many tribal cultures, those born with
strange and unusual character traits were held
in awe. Shamans were people who could see
visions and go on journeys that we now label
hallucinations and schizophrenia. Those with
physical differences had experience and
knowledge that the average person could not
understand. The Fool is God. The number of the
card is zero, which when drawn is a perfect
circle. This circle represents both emptiness
and infinity. The Fool is not shackled by
mountains and valleys or by his physical body.
He does not accept the appearance of cliff and
air as being distinct or real. Image from: Mary
DeLave http://www.marydelave.com/


Which Tarot Card Are You?
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Feelings....

it kinda baffles me at times ... the emotional rides that go thru my head.. what was i thinking off at the time.. if that faculty was functional at the time.. Here are my present predicaments .. if all it takes to conjure up emtions with in the human brain is a couple of meural synapse reactions to a varying array of correspondong reactions to high dopeamine and testosterone levels with low serotonin levels... then why does love evade those who crave it ..... and where does the chemical spectrum end and the human element kick in... and wher do the human vices like greed envy wrath and all those lucartive human factors figure in ...

so when biologists talk abt breaking down romance and love into chemical ingredients .. will the ever be capable of doing so? and when poets talk abt the unending nature of love itself
..will they be ever proven wrong... where does one draw the line.. when do we figure out how to manipulate our inner structure..to irradicate the inner feelings of hate and frustration... or fury and anger....

As for now cannibus will have to do...

AILFs

An intergallatic sex trade worker.... Or a hyperspace pimp... or life forms from another realm brought to our time domain for the sheer purpose of sexual gratification .... Gladiators fighting for their lives in intergallatic arenas.... Would the future of the human race be free from these kinda ideas... Would porn involve mutants with green seminal fluids and purpule vaginal discharge...... How would treat this third race of beings on our planet...

Their sheer purpose of existance being for the purpose of recreational sex .. or if our genetic engineers employ their true potential give them access to un human strength and no sleep requirements ... where they are not truly cyborg and not exactly aliens on intergallatic sex permits ...would there be technosexuals with online simulations of aliens ...would AILFs be the in the thing.. would the arabs marry this new race? would the queers accept them... would the hindu fundamentalists deprive the access to the country... would the colombians use them for drug trafficking... would the palestinians get them to throw stones for them... would the taliban cover them up... would the republicans enroll em as a potential vote bank for dubya in florida?

Would Pepsi Coke Microsoft McDonalds and the Catholic Church be still around.... or what if they all amalgamated into a united entity ..run by Pope William Gates III...

ScAm of the Universe...

From the creation of time; if there is an an we humans have engaged in. I guess that would be scheming... Scamming to sucker the fool out of his money... out of his wealth .. out of his position of prosperity ... and acquire it... hey Lucifer played Eve... Cain played Abel... we've been scammed out of our wits .... and is there anything that has been done about the predicament .. We get fucked over and over and over and over again...... Yet each time round .. we end up doing the same thing... bend over and take it in ...

Through the course of the last century we saw Operation Mince Meat fool the all mighty Third Reich... Sell the Eifel Tower... not once but twice... stock markets and fool hardy entrepreuners run into scammers and con artists all the time ...

Ever think what the Matchstick men of tommorow are going to be like? What are their deals going to be... How r they going to scheme you out of your money?

"A plot of land in downtown Mars... Oxygen pipeline to your house ... with that underground waterbed 16 km under the surface you have nothing to worry about .. it's a great spot .. the kids can go to college in Jupiter.... The Uranus University is reknown throughout the Universe... It's an ideal location ... My wife works at the Uranium plant in Pluto and she's back from work in 1.6 Parsec. You should check out the condominium we have going for sale right now... Work will start by the end of the intergalatic calender year... Just as soon as our hyper market project in Neptune is completed ..we should start this one... it is bound to sell out on the galatic online bid. The virtual tour will let you have a feel for the location... So what do u say? Shall we seal the deal?"

One Thing

What is loud? When your testicles jump around in merriment with the sheer thud of the bass.. and the ears are no longer responsible for maintaining your hearing privilages any more .... yeah that's when i'd call it loud... standing right in front of 14 feet speakers ...with music blaring out of it at ungodly decibel levels ....

What is being close to the lead singer of the band? When the lead guitarist jumps around on stage soaked in his sweat ... and does a lil head banging session .... and the beads of sweat fly into your direction to be captured by the lenses of your glasses.... YEAH !!! you're close enough.... Hey i went a mile further... i was moving around their equipment for 3 hours after the whole concert was over .. way past after the groupies had left.. with the crew and the techies ... It was awesome...

So what am i rambling about.... I was at the Finger 11 concert yesterday night.... and it was down right awesome... loud live music rules.... apart from being not just drunk enough ... (2 pitchers of beers ) humm.... it was great...

Well .. that's 3 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours or more ... gosh i'm still kicking and screaming ... i had a booking made for a short xmas break ... i dont want to pin my hopes on it too much...

Oh well !! that sums it up for the night and the happenings of the day...Cheerio...

Sniffles of Silence

When the days are crowded with mundane daily activites that drain the life force out of you... It takes quite a lot of dedication and effort to come up with some alone time .. or to do something that makes you feel satisfied... If the intention of this piece of writing was that ..and if this is any sign of what life in the days to come is going to be like I wonder...What if romance like all other pleasures of life tends to take the back seat over the passage of time... When priorities change.... when turning over to the other side of the bed for 40 winks is considered a better alternative than a sweaty session of sordid love making...

Weird .... but if such is the entropy of the state of our being why is there nothing done about it ..Why doesnt man turn away from those activities that turn us into morbid drones... How do we go about enthralling ourselves and our sense of being or well being perhaps... to shatter the narrow domestic walls ...that governs society and sanity and all those jurisdictions that are perhaps the very threads that keep the wheels of society moving and turning .... as each of us yearn to dwell in a euphoria of our own ... to set forth on endeavors that are worth more .. that fill the cups of our spirits.....

But it shouldn't be such the case that we dwell in our own scheluded lil' worlds where none have privy to .. We shouldn't let that inner child in us perish for the sake of all those other goons... And never let us wander off into the blue yonder where the skies kiss the seas in that immortal plane where the worlds merge...

The Purple Danube

The ways of the world are beyond human comprehesion or is it mere state of being that we set our selves fall into. To let the oppresser's keep doing their thing and the suppressed ones keep feeling dejected... How wrong is it to rebel? what causes the rebel in all of us to function at different levels ... How different am i from the starving child in Ethiopia ... The child prostitute in Bangkok.. The drug peddler in Colombia..or Paris Hilton for that matter... what laces in the Karma in all of our well being to fragment out for that matter into various parts of the spectrum of human existance... from sher pitiable ..to absolute riches... how justified is the human race in matters of their well being...

My personal vendetta lies in the fact that health, education and food should never have turned into saleable commodities... and when the victorian norms of society; not to mention the curse of organized religion that we have subjected ourselves to .. over the centuries we have blanketed ourselves with their norms rules and regulation to make us function as a sane society ... well wake up and smell the coffee ... Sex Sells.... look around u prostitution, pornography, BDSM, homosexuality, this and all the other millions of variations of the norms and problems we have created outta turning sex into a big BOO-boo... had we let things the way the dravidian indians, the ancient greeks the incas and mayans left it ... maybe we would have progressed at a better peace .. rather than the turmoil of wars and exploitation.. and human sufferrring that we have gone through in the centuries in between...

poetry blended with a dash of rhythm ( math) makes music.... and those of us humans with any emotions left in us know Music speaks to us in a language quite different from any other spoken tongue .. it deals with a seperate area of our thinknig faculty all together... isnt it those simple pleasures of life we should tap into and maintain a sane state of being...

that was a tangent in thought train right there ... so any more coherent information to flow thorugh out of this endeavor seems highly unlikely .. coz there's a part in me that kicks in to sa i'm bored let's do something else all the time ... call it the untamed inner soul.. the inner child that pretty much rules the place ....yeah more than likely... so that sums it up for the day ...

it was the first day back in college... was pretty good... lots of eye candy... 2 pitchers of beer... and got thru the day amen...

A Vagabond's Guide to the Astral Planes

I'dn't believe it myself initially but now that i've done the reading up .. I'd haveto acceptit .. I did have acouple of Astral Projections.. and it was spectacular... on the last encounter though i did hear a conscious part of me tell me i'm not ready for the rest of the journey... i was soaring through the skies .. beyond the yonder.. into an unknown universe the cool breeze of the wind fluttering by was amazing .. i was hanging on to bar of some kind .. sort of like handgliding ..into this cosmic realm.. and quite a while into the journey the astral self gave way to the fears of the conscious self and my journey ended...

Initally i thought of them as just dreams... but now that i look at it ... that imaginary city that i fly through... the neon green lights of the futuristic city out of some neo-cortex, or a fractal plane of some kind ... i travel through it ... i was sceptical of the first few journeys .. but then i remembered haing been here befoer .. and i was hovering over the terrain over and over again till the geographic dispostion was second nature to me.. i guess i gained canfidence in myself over this region and it wasnt till later that i went on to that other journey...

If they were what i think they are.. i'd truly appreciate more of such experiences and suggest everyone i know of to strive towards attaining it ..

Chicken Soup For The Horny Soul

There you have it ... Here I am finally punching out something fiarly readable and coherent... Amoung the vast majority of ideas and thoughts that has had my mind walloping through .. I have come to terms taht not punching it down is not working in my favor but rather a look at it in the verse does mend and tend to the dilapidated soul with in...

So where do i begin ... The last couple of days has been rather hectic to say the least... been busy with college activities... Orientation and stuff... the honest to god truth is to get away from the solitary confinement i call my residence... now that i dont enjoy a really hard core solitary confinement... But for a guy who has been a Vagabond since he was 16.... i lived on my own since... and 8 years later people put a curfew on you ... what time you get home .. how much of access you get to a PC... how much of TV you watch .... low and behold here me rumble .... ,,,, ... there you have it ... my response.... ppl keep asking me why they dont see me online why i aint doing stuff like download a movie or two a teleseries or two a game .. a cpl of 1000 mp3s.. coz i fucking dont have access tothe one true love of my life ... a Computer god damn it.... Hey i remember when i was in any solitary confinement ..back home in jeddah, my PC died on me for no particular reason and i couldn't get it work after half dozen fuck fests i had with it .. so i had sent down to the shop and i get back home... i wake up in the morning and for once i felt alone and scared being alone... so i walked down to Avi's place... now is that a sign of how pathetic i am... and now they tell me i cant have a PC to access at my own leisurely pace.. fuck that shit Fecal dissmissive!!! ... Oh well !!! When life kicks me in the nuts i've learnt not to take it lying down there ... been around the bloack far too many times to know that... I get right up ..maybe it takes a while but i'm back at game... I feel like a cornered animal most of the time... People push me into that corner.. and i hybernate in there ....in that distant lonely corner of mine away from humanity ..turing into an agorophobic... is it doing me any good .. i highly doubt it ... but atleast that way i get to collect my thoughts and come back at you.. and honest to god.. u dont want to be on the wrong side of the fence when i'm out on the prowl...

The number of times i've lost the simple pleasures of life is unfathomable... I hear stories from the kids i love .. and i shudder within .... tragic ...absolutely pathetic i thought i carried the cross for them all... Leaving home at 16 isnt pleasant ... far from it rather .. and today the scars have healed .. u've picked at the scabs long enough... and you thought it had all come to an end... In the words of Michael Corleone.. Just when you thought it was all over.. they pull u back in ... Jethro ...my baby brother u didnt have hose tears u did... u dont have to go thru the pain of losing family ... that was supposed to be all over.. Tearing the fabric of family and dispersing it over the globe is the most hiedous crime one can ever come it .. take siblings away from each other in the prime of their youth... absolutely catstophic... it must be the work of satan... it must be the cain and abel he wants us to dwell with in each of us... the sheer agony of it all...

those kids are so full of love for each other and the people around them.. one look into their eyes and u can see an eternity of love fly by ...why have they forsaken thee? and here in the artic capitalist jungle.... a latchkey generation breeds where love is a FMCG..and lasts only as long as u can provide with em the item on the shelf with all the bells and whistles... they lack the glow in the eyes ... u see and void ..a darkness.. an incomprehensible generic garble that was picked up from the boob tube is what reiterates for spoken language... there is no finesse .. no true picture of their emotions ... their gestures capture nosings of happiness.. it's so shallow... it hurts to see the slime bags pursue their lives ....disgusting... and even more so is the fact there are those amidst them who mimmick this scavenger way of life... how much lower down the food chain and circle of life can u go...

As the average reader can feel the venting of negative energy ... which is my last goal out of this ... i shall get back at this when my mind can conceive a angelic creature .. and not the demonicbeast that will most likely be the beast of this fornication ...

Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.

Here I am ... I'm at a juncture in time .. where in I shouldn't be .. how do i put it.. I'dnt know ..it's totally fucked up... Nothing colateral has occured .. but all that has is enough to send me spinning whirring and wired up for an eternity.. I didnt have to hear a series of crying over the phone.. it did me no good.. and how much of good is coming out of the whole ordeal.. none that i know of... but here we are at it again... Bah.. i dont want to rant about it.. too much of negatvitiy is the only thing bound to come out of it....

"Sunishcitam Aashcaryavat"

Half Blood Pauper

How weird is it for people to have a ten(that's just a number) faces ... I mean how on earth and how fake and stupid is it that we have to continually keep selling ourself as something we are not ... Is it worth the hassle we go through... do we lose track of who we are ...in this chaotic commotion ...is it like do we all get a chance to be John Malkovich... and when we eventually turn into Malkovich do we forget ourselves completely does it reach a point of no return where we turn into a shallow pitiable Gollum of our previous selves... Is that what greed and selfish vanity does to each of us?

Look around you ...you find mutated freaks ... Freaks who don't remember who they are where they came from where they are headed to why they turned into this vulgar grotesque human form... Indeed a matter worth pondering over... How much of pain should be inflicted upon each of us to be tempered into that perfect human ... Is the die we are all cast in so different that some of us are scouraged over and over again to bemuse some the creator... Is this hand picked society that we have been made to dwell in .. the people we have been asked to work with live with ..upto his discretion... Then why does he show the tip the tip of the iceberg and take it all away from you.. Is this life a compilation of trailers and teaser trailers previews and glimpses into a time that will be.. or a hallucigin induced present is the only way we can experience it....

Rastafarian Overstanding...

Yes ... I've come to realize that any wish made fortha true desire and a noble cuase shall be answered ....For there lies no Bad Karma to bring upon the demise of a true wish... It was an awakening of the inner self.. undescribable...if youve'nt witnessed it on your own... Barricades open themselves and let tehe flood gates barge in to bury away...

Life gives you another chance to get back at the stuff you want to .. if u hang around with the will long enough.. It kinda tends to show you that amidst all the storms that it can brew up if u persevere...

Honestly it's been a while since some kinda inner tranquility has been restored... atleast temporarily.. It felt good... and it's been so long since that has happened...

Cynicorcist: The Beginning

Strange isn't it ... the way people behave ...over time how we change... for better or for worse.. how indecisive we are ... It's intriguing... Life has taken it's rollercoaster ride yet again.. and I'm reigning in the pure uncertain premise of my life... I find the simplest of tasks at hand admonishing at times. Nonetheless I've had enough of the "Why hath Thou forsaken me?" attitude... I've been walking away for way too long.. I'm surrounded my nothingness in terms of people and realtionships... I could truly exhault my self to the status of being the loneliest person on the planet... But then again it's in that solitary confinement that I feel content. So am I Rubin Carter waiting to turn into a Papillion ....

I'm a wretched soul tormented by the slightest pertext ...wilting wimpering wondering... if there shall ever be a Phoenix to come about from this... to exorcize the demons within...

Which Friends Character are you?

I'm Ross Gellar !



Hey...uhh, you're Ross Gellar. You love being
intellectual, and working at the museum. Maybe
someday things will work out with you and
Rachel. Until then, keep digging.


Which Friends Character are you?
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'Om' Sapiens

I was watching Spider Man 2 in the cinema hall yesterday... When a fine thought pierced my head... It started to tear me apart from the core of my head... And it continued to haunt me through the rest of the night....What was this reckless emotion that started to melt me...
 
I just realized gazing up onto the Big Screen of the Cinema Hall with the monsterous sounds blaring at me...That it's been an year now since ...someone told me .... ...
Since some one gave me a ... since there's been any emotions .... I felt weird at that very instant... Weird in a pathetic kind of way... What was I asking for here? What did I lose ? What have I gained?  

Sai_Ka_Dalai_ick Evangalist

In order to let the mind unfurl and unravel into the meandering unknown of the everlasting universe of eternity. Out human senses need to be expanded within it's present confines and limitations together with the binding walls of conformity we shall never get to the higher strata.
 
Our neural cortex is under stimulated at it should be jerked around more often to truly understand our true potential. More than ever we realize how much possibility lies ahead of us... Haven't you felt that time slows down to accomodate a Million actions right before you hit the floor when you're on a Motorbike cruising along and headed for that vital fall. In those few seconds that just precede the actual happening Time slows down for you to accomadate an eternity of spinal synapsis. Couldn't we integrate that moment to fill a larger confine. To let it fill the shape and size of the container in which we store our life. 
 
Would we need enhanced sensory organs to encapuslate those experiences over larger periods of time ... Can we premeditate a Deja vu experience? Or summon a dej vu at random instances in waking time. Would it be detrimental to our environment? Would we be dealing with control domain of time as we bend it and enter another dimension.

indigena lyricus - Verse I

The Indigena Series Continues; This time let's have a look the lyrical master pieces that have been created over the ages.

Main Entry: Yenna Patti
Creator: T a.k.a Tina
Etymology: Any track that T has come across has had an Yenna Patti Remix. I truly suggest she could start off a blog with all the various creations at some point of time


Main Entry: Onnum Patti Illa!
Creator: Achu a.k.a. Akshay
Etymology: Achu's prompt reply to an Yenna Patti creation.

Main Entry: Fireflies!!!
Creator: Avi
Etymology: Avi trying hard to comprehend a Telugu track in a Tamil movie...

Main Entry: 1, 2, 3... La La LA
Creator: Jo Uncle
Etymology: Jo Uncle's masterpiece

Main Entry: Arunachalamey Karunanidhiye
Creator: Chachen
Etymology: Early Morning Lyrical Masterpiece

Main Entry: Nin Shodhanayil Ishwaraney Kanduwoh
Creator: Ajnu/Me
Etymology: Truly Difficult question to answer: Do we see God in Shit?

Apocalypse Now and Forever

Bah... I'm rambling... mumbling.. cussing... incoherent...the horror.. the horror..

So here i am ... hollering out from the depths of my aching heart .. the dungeons have opened the spirit that soars and sweeps thru the pungent stinking corridors of the pits of eteternal void that once was or perhaps never truly evolved just mutated into this self loathing animosity ...

the sheer pain of an infinite wasp stings... or if pain could be channelled into the core of the earths... if 6 billion labor pains were channeled to the core of the earth would it erupt... what if we included all the animals and birds and reptiles and all the creatures that are born and die.. If we could extract the pain the feel in their life and pour into the darkest deepest black hole ever to be ...would it maintain an equilibrium.. would all the negativity and bad karma that has created a void be filled with good karma... or would a lingering cancerous growth emerge from a tiny speck of pain that was left behind...

This kettle of molten anguish is in which we're dipped and our skirmishes and blemishes are embedded with shrieking hollering inferno of pain ... Is it vailable for any of us to spend an eternity in this molten lava marsh pit of pain...

amazing how the human mind comprehends feelings unlike no other beast ..

Guiltabbal Lecter

16 years on the planet ; 8 of which i was technically away from home. But never in those years had i missed being at home as I did yesterday. I'm a late bloomer. In a fit of rage my first instinct is flight and then fight. I run away from the predicament; then there's a voice in my head that calls me a chicken... and to calm that deafening yell I run back... sometimes it's too late.. I return with hopes of having gained some momentum in the process... But it's the sheer spontaentity that was lost...

Am I whining? Probably... Abt what...well a lot of things... Primarily July 13th 2004 just slipped by ... On this planet with 6 billion ppl the only sibling I have was born 16 years ago... Jeddah Medical Center... born premature... the year was 1988... Hey! The euphoria dies down over the years ..But I guess it's when the geographic dispostion kicks in that we realize how much somebody means to you... the sheer beauty of an anniversary is the periodicity of celebration .. as humans we look forward to timely reasons to steer away from the dull drab boring mundane daily existance.. human intimacy finds reason to elate in sporadic eruptions of the unknown celebratary joy ...

I must have been there as a lingering spirit .... the things we say and do to appease the lingering spirit within...

-------------------------------------------
C.S.I. - Crime Scene Investigation; [2.06 - ALTER BOYS]

William L. Petersen as Gil Grissom
Dylan Baker as Father Powell

Powell: "You still suffer like a Catholic. Light bulb goes out, other people fix it, get a new one. Light bulb goes out for the Catholic, he stands in the dark and says 'what did I do wrong?'"
Grissom: "That guilt's not in me anymore."

--------------------------------------------

Unfortunately I guess there remains the lingering guilt within..

"Guiltabbal Lecter" is having me with fava beans and a nice chianti... and amidst all the strifes and scourging I go thru ..

He has come thru to say, "Hello Ajnu Clare...I'd assume you're having a jolly good time amidst all those faggots in the middle of that semi inhabitted forest. Poor lil' thing... First principles, Miss Ajnu Clare. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its nature? What do they do, these people around you what do they seek? "

And then he retreats with his " I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye." Ofcourse he has to return to his domicile within me and eat me away.. And in that brief instant that I managed to sneak away from his lurking presence... I whimper... "Happy Birthday Ajnu!"

indigena lingua - Verse I

Main Entry: Bambadas
Creator: Achayan Uncle
Etymology: Drunken Variant of the Bermuda Shorts

Main Entry: Jenjabeez
Creator: Achu a.k.a. Akshay
Etymology: Babyish Variant of French Fries

Main Entry: Separation
Creator: Ajnu
Etymology: Babyish Variant of Decoration

Main Entry: Jesus, Mary, Joseph, James
Creator: Ajnu
Etymology: Babyish Variant of the Holy Family.

Main Entry: Beko-naas
Creator: Ajnu
Etymology: Babyish Variant of Because.

Main Entry: Hmaall
Creator: Ajnu
Etymology: Babyish Nasal Variant of Small.

Main Entry: Janjungender
Creator: Tina
Etymology: Babyish Variant of Jamjoom Center

Main Entry: Superracket
Creator: Tina
Etymology: Babyish Variant of Super Market

Main Entry: Marind Moya
Creator: Avi/Minto
Etymology: Babyish Logic in Describing Moonshine

Main Entry: Yuck Moya
Creator: Achu/Cinto
Etymology: Babyish Logic in Describing Moonshine (2nd generation babies took the bold step of tasting it)

Main Entry: Nipakayapuram
Creator: Chachen
Etymology: Drunken Variant of Krishnarajapuram; (Can be rather fatal when asking directions for the imaginary place)

Main Entry: Thank You Birthday!
Creator: Chachen
Etymology: Drunken Variant of Wishing Happy Birthday;

Main Entry: Asthkullah Lazim!
Creator: Chachen
Etymology: Mutated Variant of Asthafrarlilah;

Main Entry: Oh Joses!
Creator: Geetha Aunty
Etymology: Stress Variant of Oh Jesus! During Bible reading.

Main Entry: Yallah Ander Jaon!
Creator: Titus Uncle
Etymology: Drunken Variant of Saudi Police yelling in 'Arabic' to get in the car!

Main Entry: Usblig alley!
Creator: Suresh Uncle
Etymology: Mutated Censored Variant translating to "Dont Fuck with me" !

Main Entry: Happy Condolenses!
Creator: Achayan Uncle
Etymology: Drunken Variant of Hearty Condolences!

Main Entry: Boobie Chicha
Creator: Lavannya
Etymology: Babyish Logic in Describing Scary Monster!

Main Entry: Kazhuda Makri!
Creator: Jo Uncle
Etymology: Drunken Variant of term include Kazhuda and Kover Kazhuda!

Main Entry: Pamb Chor
Creator: Cinto
Etymology: Babyish Logic in Describing Noodles!

Main Entry: Kundi Man
Creator: Jamie
Etymology: Babyish Super Hero who has several arch rivals and several escapades. Stories involve graphic descriptions of how the "OLAKA BREAKS"!

Main Entry: Theeta Kandi Theeta Kandi Theeta Kandi Thi Thi Thara Theeta Kandi!
Creator: Thankachen Uncle
Etymology: The Early Morning Theetam Song!

Main Entry: Are You Going for HUG!
Creator: Thankachen Uncle
Etymology: Drunken Variant of Hajj

Main Entry: Gad Buys!
Creator: Noel
Etymology: Babyish Variant of Bad Guys!

Main Entry: Shoe vekunna Book Shelf!
Creator: Amma
Etymology: Instant Garble about moving the Shoe Rack!

indigena lingua - the prologue

Very few people realise that each and every word we have said, do say and will say, deeply influences the way in which we each experience the world. Moreover, every word that each of us has already heard, is hearing or will hear - affects us profoundly.

And as i sat around thinking, pondering, remembering the people that filled my life. I found myself giggling away to myself. Surely it would look like I have hit the high grounds of insanity for any onlooker, but it was nothing but a recollection of the words that people made up. No dictionary would have'em listed, and as the grey matter withers away the tethering shreds of memory too wouldn't rummage upon it. The compulsion to have them documented seemed to splurge from within.

If the project at hand comes anywhere close to completion I would truly treasure it as the most valid of my earthly possessions... The last verses that I would like to be read to me on my death bed. When my eyes would have failed me and my ears can hardly comprehend the incoherent garble and sounds that echo through the air.

If any one who has known me in this earthly lifetime of mine, would be kind enough to recite the liturgy of words on my death bed. You can rest assured that you have sent this wretched soul to the land of eternal bliss and happiness.

Insanity ill_Lust_Rated

I have finally managed to acquire a speck on the virtual microcosm. I have come of age to profess the ludicrous ruminating that my mind goes through. Years of incoherent thought have withered away. But here in I leave behind Hieroglpyhs for Vagabonds and Knights alike.

What do I intend to acquire out of this escapade; I haven't figured out as of yet. Maybe the verbal diarrhea may release a variant of oxytocin into my system. Or maybe it's agorophobia getting the better of me. How and where does one get from here?

Along the way I read it's never 'Why me?' rather 'Why not me?' To be kicked in the nuts over and again is what life the bitch does best... And the abhorrent, arrogant, egoist that I am I learn things my way.